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Romantic relationships area challenge to navigate for everyone. If neurotypical people have a problemtackling them, imagine the struggles of those with Asperger’s syndrome. It cansometimes be so overwhelming that they don’t even try — but it doesn’t have tobe so.

Think about it:Approximately one in 60 childrenhave a diagnosis, with even more going through lives without one. So, there area lot of singles with Asperger’s facing the world of dating.

If your (potential) partner is one of such people, read on to get some handy tips on dating them. Getting informed is the first step towards a successful relationship.

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Things to Know When Dating withAsperger’s

Most neurotypical people don’t need to consider the progression of a relationship in great detail. If nothing else, they understand sets of unwritten rules that move it forward.

A person with AS might facemore difficulty in understanding the cues. So, as their partner, be patient andopen about all that’s going on. Let’s take a look at Asperger’s syndrome andits implications on dating to help you figure out how to do so.

Asperger’s 101

Asperger’s syndrome existsin some people on the autism spectrum. As such, people with the condition tendto experience challenges in social interactions. Other symptoms include:

• Inability to answer to social cues
• Reduced or lacking eye-contact
• Obsessive tendencies
• Unusual mannerisms
• Repetitive speech
• Sensory sensitivity
• Social or generalized anxiety

In general, though, peoplewith AS most often don’t show any delays in cognitive and linguisticdevelopment. On the contrary, they tend to have high IQs — all they lack is theempathy of neurotypical people.

Dating Challenges

The main challenge forpeople with AS on the dating scene comes from the arbitrariness of datingrules.

They may seem obvious toyou, but it’s difficult to understand them instinctively. Instead, the instinctof those with Asperger’s is to communicate what they feel and say what theythink, with no filters. Any dating rules they learn come from explicitexplanations from friends.

What’s more, they find itchallenging to understand conventional romantic love. They can desire peopleand want to have sex, but it’s challenging to create meaningful connections dueto an inherent feeling of detachment.

All this to say, there’shope for people with AS. Listening to constructive feedback can lead torewarding relationships. They only need more time.

The Dating Process

The first step — findingsomebody to date — is also the most challenging one. People are creatures ofhabit, and those with AS even more so. They will often find partners in theirsocial circles and hesitate to exit their comfort zones.

The best way to meetsomebody with AS is through the people they trust. Friends and family offer alot of support and information, which encourages them to start dating.

Nowadays, another excellentavenue for Asperger’s in the dating world comes through online communities.Chatting leaves a lot more time to think of what to say and feels less awkward.

The First Date

Both the act of asking outa person and the very first date are nerve-wracking. Being direct about it andoffering a date idea right away can help both sides of the couple.

When it comes to the place,go for one that feels safe and comfortable. There’s no need to provoke anxietyfurther by adding a new location in the mix.

Take It Slow

Relationships, in general,require people getting to know one another for it to work. With Asperger’s,this need doubles.

If you push your partnerinto commitments that they’re not comfortable with, it won’t end well. Plus,you and your partner will need time to develop an open line of communication.

Honesty and Boundaries

Being frank about who youare and your needs upfront helps you avoid a lot of misunderstandings andconflicts in this type of relationship. If you’re dating a person with AS, youneed to understand their triggers to be able to react appropriately.

If you’re the one with Asperger’s,communicate your likes and dislikes early on and offer alternatives. Both sidesshould make an effort to listen and understand.

Dating Tips

While it feelsuncomfortable and awkward when other people interfere with your relationship,getting some dating tips from your friends and family can mean a lot. If youfind it too embarrassing to ask for tips directly, find an online community.

Strategies for RelationshipMaintenance

Relationships aren’t easy — they need constant maintenance and care to succeed. Luckily, keeping a relationship with a partner on the autism spectrum is not very different from doing the same with a neurotypical partner. Let’s take a look at some useful strategies.

Create a Structure

People with AS don’t have alot of emotional energy, and they enjoy schedules.

So, let your relationshipfollow a predictable structure that allows your partner to dedicate enoughenergy to you. You could even create a calendar together and enter tasks andevents related to dating into it.

Don’t Be Needy

Dating a person withAsperger’s sometimes implies that not all your emotional needs are getting met.So, you’ll need to do a part of the heavy lifting and ensure you feel secure byyourself.

Of course, your partnerwill provide some support, but you shouldn’t rely on them all the time.

Don’t Take Things Personally

People with AS sometimescome off as cold and blatant. Remember that they don’t do so to hurt you butbecause they’re not aware that you could take things the wrong way.

Try not to get offended.Communicate your hurt clearly and reasonably, and you’ll make it much easierfor both of you.

Pros

Of course, there are nomassive benefits to living with a condition such as Asperger’s. However, peopleon the spectrum tend to come with particular personalities. From their typecome the most prominent advantages of dating a person with the syndrome too.

They’re Curious

Since people withAsperger’s find it difficult to read social cues, they don’t take it forgranted. This disorder makes them endlessly curious.

They’re Motivated

Many people with Asperger’sare keen on overcoming the condition. This positive outlook on life feelspleasant for your average person.

They’re Dedicated

Most people with thiscondition have a sturdy set of beliefs they use to keep them grounded. So,while this can make them stubborn, it’s refreshing to see a person sticking upfor what they believe.

Cons

Naturally, there are negative implications on Asperger’s on dating. Most prominent include the following.

They Lack Direction

Often, the syndrome comes with feelings of anxiety, which makes it difficult for those with it to deal with choice. It’s not easy or natural for them to plan for the future and work out what they want from life.

They Aren’t Spontaneous

Again, due to anxiety, people with AS are not very able to deal with unforeseen events and any changes to their usual routines. So, you won’t be able to surprise them — they need warning and mental preparation.

Issues with Communication

The main feature of Asperger’sis the difficulty in forming meaningful relationships. It’s thus also trickyfor those on the spectrum to communicate their deep feelings and thoughts — notconducive to a developing relationship.

FAQ when Dating with Asperger Syndrome

Finally, let’s answer someof the most common questions about dating people with Asperger’s syndrome.

Can a Person with Asperger’s Havea Relationship?

Yes. Many experienceproblems with the skills needed for developing relationships, but many adultsend up in intimate romantic relationships and, ultimately, have a life-longpartner. It’s all about overcoming hurdles along the relationship continuum.

Can People with Asperger’s Fallin Love?

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People on the autismspectrum do have feelings. Some even experience emotions more intensely thanneurotypical people.

Many find it challenging toidentify and discuss them, though. Still, considering they do feel the same wayas neurotypical people, they definitely can fall in love.

Do People with Asperger’s HaveFeelings?

There seems to exist amisconception that people with AS don’t want or enjoy intimate relationships.Every case is different, but, in general, this statement is untrue.

These people have romanticemotions, as does everyone else. They tend to show a desire to get involved inlasting relationships.

What Is an Asperger’s Meltdown?

A person on the autismspectrum goes through a meltdown when they temporarily lose control because oftheir emotional responses to various environmental factors.

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Most often, no specificthing causes a collapse but triggersgradually build up until a person getstoo overwhelmed.

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Conclusion

To conclude — it is 100% possible to date a person with Asperger’s syndrome. However, it will require that you put in the effort to understand them. They tend to have an outsider’s perspective on social and dating rules. With patience, dedication, and communication, you can make it work and help the non-native learn the language of romance.